And here is a selection of the gear
I thought (and made) up with my computer back when I cared.
Most of the things are ZIPped for your convenience, you lamer.
Oh, I bet you'd also like them all tarred and bz2ed, too, wouldn't you? Eh?
Yeah. I know it, you know it. You damn well would,
and that's why random people grab you on the street to kick you in the head.
(Text files aren't.)


Miscellaneous miscellanea
Download Fred & Paul v1.1c - about 13kB
Fred & Paul (ha) is a custom episode I made to a game named Tapan Kaikki.
It features 10 levels, and a veritable challenge.
So if you have Ultimate Tapan Kaikki v1.1 (TK3.1), go ahead!
If you don't have TK, acquire it from Error Free, it's a great little game.
(It's also entirely free and is all in English. Do check.)
With TK3.2x, though, FredPaul is veritably unsmooth sailing. Crash city.
Not that I'll fix it, though, because it would probably require starting from scratch.

Download RmMPUDs - about 71kB
RmMPUDs is a collection of decent homebrewn Warcraft-II maps
that I made for a certain modem match against my friend,
who unerringly proceeded to decimate me every time.
A bunch of 'em, most probably, require the Expansion Set, by the way.
Dunno how it all plays out with the Battle.Net edition, though. Do tell!
And don't mind the silly grumbling in the text file - it's ironic. Like U2.
Or Adolf Hitler, or Dream Theater.
(Note that they're also available at the FHI site, padded with some
other evil maps from some other evil people. But I am purity!)

Read HOLLYPUU.TXT dated 26.12.1999 - about 15kB
(Click here for DOS-scandic, WIN-scandic or English versions.)
HOLLYPUU.TXT is a text file I wrote on the unwritten laws of Hollywood.
Think bad Hollywood cliché / predictability fare. Meh.

Download AlertEr (v1.01) - about 5kB
This is a lousy DOS-based alarm program made with an old version of Turbo Pascal,
created to wake me up in the morning. And I've used it for that purpose.
Nothing more to say about it really. Proper English and flickerey goodness.
The sound of it might not sound all too proper on a modern machine, though,
and it obviously isn't guaranteed to wake you up.

Read SCRMM.TXT - about 5kB
" You've really played Star Control games WAY too much if ... "
Undeniably cheesy and unamusing material. Sad to many and lost on most.

Read DIEHARD.TXT v0.8c - about 20kB
Well, this is a FAQ / guide to the NES game Die Hard, written by me, obviously.
AFAIK spans all of the things doable in the game, endings and all.
What it doesn't include are maps. Sorry. It's still the most complete one I know..

Download THRLEVS.ZIP - about 6kB
Anyone know the great old DOS game Threat by Fragment?
This is a collection of deathmatch levels for the full version,
in case someone else got himself a registered version. I bought mine back then.
For a possibly limited time, the complete version of Threat can also be obtained.

Download FINNISH.ZIP (v1.2b) - about 4kB
This is my old Finnish language template for RAINE.
This version worked best with all flavours of v0.24 and v0.25,
(But I don't know much about RAINE nowadays, since it kinda died down and all)
and I think it is pretty good if you forgive some Windowsy bits
courtesy of our lovely language and the pressing lack of space in the emulator.
I guess it was also the official RAINE Finnish template
since the official RAINE packs carried one (older) version of it. *pride*

Third party program patches
Download ABUSES12.ZIP (v1.2) - about 36kB
When the shitty retail version of Abuse, creatively named Abuse 2.0, was released,
Crack dot Com or somebody else, for some mindbogglingly stupid reason,
removed mostly all of the soundcard support from the game, Sound Blasters excluded.
Moreover, the all-new MIDI support accepted General MIDI cards ONLY.
So I naturally hacked up this patch that adds unstable and thoroughly untested
soundcard support for a lot more soundcards to crash the game with, MIDI support and all.
Unpack into your Abuse 2.0 directory (Full and demo may both do) with directories and that's it.
Warning - The game's still pretty disgusting compared to the earlier versions,
and an unofficial patch like this might get the game even more prone to crashing.

Download SC3GUS.ZIP - about 81kB
Whenever I tried to select Gravis Ultrasound in Star Control 3's sound setup,
the evil program just grinned and proceeded to crash maliciously
(It being Star Control 3 and all, fucking the user like this was probably intentional)
which prompted me to work around the problem, and so I did.
If you have the same problem (chuckles), get this, unpack and use SETGUS.EXE instead.
And enjoy the groovy elevator MIDI tunes.

Download SG2KGUS.ZIP - about 61kB
Aehm.. this is a patch to get Gravis Ultrasound audio in Sim City 2000.
Unpack to your SC2000 directory, subdirs included,
and read SC2KGUS.TXT to figure it out.

The patches and everything are 1) old 2) 'as is',
so don't come bitching at me if something gets fudged.
I didn't do any of this stuff with the sole intent of headcrashing your HD though,
but stuff like copying the Die Hard FAQ over your system kernel or whatever is
probably bound to stir up some unwanted effects, although the possibility of your
machine attaining sentience can be ruled out. And while we're at it, the possibilities
of you attaining sentience sound pretty darn slim as well.

Get out. I've got a Super Gatling-ChainGun-Minigun BFG666 and no hesitations.