This page used to radically differ from this incarnation.
Then again, I used to differ from this incarnation, so there.
I have kept kind-of-updating the original resume too, though,
so you can see the things it centered on; the things I like,
in a verbose, more item-by-item manner, mainly. But be mindful.
The beginning, now that's the hard part.
Now, then. Can't go wrong with the cold facts, can you.
My name is Rami Maunula. I am a dysfunctional state machine,
with a male configuration and an uptime of twenty three years. No ambition whatsoever.
Blue eyes, black (either that or very dark brown) hair. Average height. A lot of weight.
Obviously single. I lived in Kittilä, in Lapland of Finland.
For some three years after 2000 I mostly lived in Rovaniemi, and after that,
a short autumn '03 stint in Espoo, near the capital city of our country.
Now it's Oulu.
Right now, I'm not really doing anything. I suppose I'm trying to regain a will to live?
As times have gone past my fire for anything I can think of has diminished on a large scale.
Which, obviously, is a fact that also goes for all the things that I have a passion for, big time;
I'm not sure whether this is something fleeting or a thing that's here to stay
(actually, I'm pretty sure it's the latter), but it kind of frightens me.
I'm losing my interest in things I've loved and cherished every new day I wake up. Dying inside?
If this keeps up, everything loses the point and I might just as well die, it'd be all over.
So where is that point of no return?
I don't really know what to do. I certainly don't feel like living on.
Many times, I'm unsure of my future.
What shall I do next? What can I do next? And after that?
I don't just want to finish some school, get some job and die of some lung cancer at 50,
although this is probably exactly what the Fates have planned for me.
It's a common destiny in a world that doesn't interest you, isn't it?
I think that I'd just want to pursue my things of passion, but with my passion level
dropping every step of the way I'm probably going to end up preferring sitting
in front of the TV over about anything else I used to think of and at this point
I certainly hope a friend of mine will be found pointing a shotgun to my face.
So far, life hasn't been promising, and I know
(Yes, I give myself the right to consider this true and actual knowledge
instead of just wild speculation of a sad person, based on perceived facts and realities.)
that it's not going to get much better, either. Still, I have to live it through..
Of course, such a statement doesn't exclude the option of suicide, since my life's certainly
through once I end it, haha. But.. I don't know about suicide, it's pretty final.
I may take up on that offer soon enough, though. [laughs]
I sometimes do hope that something would kill me without an effort of my own, though,
which is a drag to be sure. I'm ashamed of myself.
I certainly also hope that I won't be here to witness the world going down the pan
once it all really adds up and the heads will start to fall.
Well, you know. The nature of mankind has "doomed" written all over it.
Hey, it's the cliché stuff that eventually is going to happen. Period.
But let us (And by that I of course mean "let me", ha. Ha.) not talk about that now.
I'm sure you don't ever really think about it, either.
I tend to have varying moods. Someone could call them mood swings, and I know I've
definitely had some of those in my life. It all ends up in the 'unamused' niche afterwards,
though, or even the one stating "sad", which is.. well, sad - I lack better words right now,
but in any case, hey, that's how it goes.
I've been told that I look "pissed off", or pained, by default.
It's the configuration of my face makes my neutral, blank expression look like
hostility and/or grief. Mind you, I can be perfectly content and still look like that.
Funny though, how the truth in the claim has had such an increase the last few months.
My feelings about this world have been sharply defined by me.
Most of them still hold well true, but I've been having contradictory feelings about some things
as of late, which should be totally normal, but really isn't helping my great quest to figure things out.
I don't have many friends. The ones that I do, however, I intend to keep
as long as possible, as they're a really golden bunch that I love in a way.
I might pick up some more friends along the way, of course. Yeah, hopefully.
Meeting people that are truly interesting is something I find very nice. And rare.
Now. That bit about friends probably let to your attention the fact that I may not be very sociable.
There's a rather limited amount of "points of connection" that I have with people in general.
(Once again, that right of mine comes into play. Yay to walls, huh? Sweet alienation.)
That should make it pretty clear that to me there's no point in watching ice hockey or
just drinking beer in a bar somewhere. I'm no drug addict, and I do not smoke tobacco,
and if I use alcohol I do it sparingly -- besides, apart from losing some motoric functions and the like
I think it doesn't really do anything too much to me anyway, save for the occasional opportunity
to really grab that melancholy and flow along it (plus the taste of some spirits, dark rum I like).
I must also admit that the alcohol effect isn't getting more enjoyable in the long run, just worse.
What I'm getting at is that it isn't high on my list of fun things to do.
Obviously, it affects some people in great degrees, both positive and negative,
as I've observed (mostly negative), and some people find solace in blaming silly things
they did on the alcohol, and you certainly have a right to do it all,
like you have a right to do anything in the world, and people generally
do like to get drunk with their friends or loved ones
(after which they'll start fighting in a nasty manner, but this is a side note)
plus they probably enjoy all this, the little critters, but.. eh. Not one of my great pleasures.
Still, I can definitely see myself doing a little social drinking with the right people.
I guess I'm somewhat introverted. But is that such a bad thing? You attention whore.
All this isn't me 100 per cent of the time, of course.
And often I feel seriously contradictory. And self-repetitive now, I guess.
Things of passion for me?
First, reading books (and other writings), watching movies, playing games.
With this trio I'm a storyline (or idea)-driven person, although there's also definitely
something to be said for style. And with games, a dash of good gameplay
works wonders even when there isn't much to be said for the story.
A horrifying thing with all three is the conclusion.
The feeling you get when you finish an excellent book or a game..
It's a sad feeling, knowing that once again, a great thing has come to an end
and there's yet again one less thing of worth in this life to experience.
Some anime's good. ^_^
(And a lot isn't, obviously, which goes for everything on this globe.. "duh.")
And now, a slight expansion of the "game" subject.
Games can be great art. Just as well as movies or anything else.
Regarding this (and a whole lot of other things, too), people are closed-eye fools.
What I'm saying is, if you think that something like Super Mario or Tomb Raider
or generic war shooter #459 or Max Payne or Everquest or NHL or the Wind Waker
(or whatever it is that's hot at the time you read this)
is the apex of gaming as a form of art, you are very ignorant. Yes.
And unless you're willing to drop this moronic belief,
you should be highly ashamed of your idiocy. This is a subject I hold fairly dear,
having had to put up with human stupidity in this subject for the most of my life.
Then.. back to my loves, so to speak.
I love good conversations. And making something I consider great.
A creative high is always nice, you know. :)
I also like some types of music. Unfortunately, about anything that I could write about my tastes
(without mentioning genres or band names or such) would sound exactly like the stuff
the next guy uses to describe his musical tastes, even if his majorly differ from mine,
(obviously, this goes way beyond just music; some things just apply to everyone,
or, in the very least, the opinions of everyone on themselves.. perceived self-image.)
so I think I'll just skip that. Well, music has to interest or stimulate me somehow. How broad.
Hey, it was a narrow niche back when; I used to be a lot more selective about what I tolerate.
Anyway, the other resume and my CD list hold specific information, so consult them, all right.
Back to my loves, eh? So.. regarding love itself?
I think I'd much like to love (and to be loved) more,
which probably goes for anyone who ever got affected by our bizarre culture.
(Our culture has some serious issues to work out. Doubt it'll do so before time runs out.)
Intensely, too. But it doesn't work like that, make no mistake.
Of course, there are many kinds of love, and some naturally exists, but really.
I do miss a saccharine-filled display of affection from the
greatest person on Earth every now and then,
and all this loneliness makes for some days of very sad moods,
but hey.. in the end, I know better - so should the lot of you.
Hmh. Well, I'm still a bit of a romantic. Which is always counterproductive.
Well, that's it for now. What an awful lament this page is.
If you want to talk to me for some reason, for example, you want to discuss music,
movies or some other subject I've brought up here
(or nearly anything else in the world), contact me by email
or find me on either IRC (nick RmM or Raimu) or the MSN Messenger or something.
My e-mail address is email@example.com, which is probably obvious at this point,
since I seem to have pasted it everywhere on the site.. for a cause, mind you,
and I assume it has improved the respective response percentages like it should, but still.
This page is rather short for now, but I'm sure to add or retype passages in the future.
You can read the other resume, too. Most of it still holds true,
but it doesn't really make me feel all that right at times,
so it isn't the primary resume. It's stupid and silly, and sorry too,
but then again, this revision is bleak and broody up to a ridiculous extent,
which is not how I always feel, or at least should feel, so..
..so what I told you was that I have had seriously mixed feelings recently.
Enter the alternative resume,
or let the link take you back to the index.