Awghh! God, why is it that life is so hard?
And I'm all helpless, and I feel so bad, and there isn't anything
that I can about it - about anything, it would appear - and all I can do
is hold on madly, feel like crying my eyes out and wonder if I'm going to have
to put up with everything for like fifty years to come?
It really is horrible. I long for things I am fairly sure to be well out of
my reach forever, as do other people, and in the end it's all just useless.
But yet, I can't just stop doing that. And other people feel this too,
possibly also people I feel like protecting, covering, helping,
but all I can do is stare as there isn't anything that can be done.
Self-pity, yes, and other people have their fates carved out for them
well worse than what I perceive mine, but this is my life, and I have
to live it. I think I'm entitled to be unhappy about things, even when
I contradict myself. I feel like banging my head against a wall
in frustration and sorrow, and in anger.
..huh. I feel so bad.
I don't want to do anything. It's all a grand show of futility, and even
if the impossible would become possible, I'm sure it probably wouldn't be
enough in the end and nothing would be corrected. The cycle would simply
return from the end to the beginning - after all, a circle has no starting or
ending point, and every ending simply begins something else in an everlasting
act of repetition. And things, after all, are mostly circular.
I should certainly hope that it wouldn't be so, but somehow
I feel like believing this realization.
And there's nothing in this world to hold on to, not a thing to lift me up.
And things are too hard.