"Fucking cows", Raymond spat, looking out the window.
Sid still hadn't come back, and the thought was glooming large in his mind.
He would probably not be coming back, either.
"Those fucking cows", Raymond repeated, as if to expect some commentary from Mikael.
"Yeah.." he received his answer.
Glancing at his wristwatch, Raymond almost whispered "It's three already, Mike.",
"Sid's dead, man. It's already been, what, ten hours?".
If Mikael would have been watching him, traces of panic building up could have been seen
on Raymond's facial features for just a moment. "..man!"
"Not necessarily." Mikael walked up next to Raymond, peering out of the window.
The moon glared back at him, reflecting his visage.
Raymond looked up to Mikael. His friend looked very calm on the outside,
but even poor Mike couldn't possibly be as calm as he seemed, could he ?
The straight-jawed youth kept looking through the window, still looking
at the same nothing that Raymond saw.
"I KNEW it was a stupid idea for Sid to go look for help, no matter whether it was
the fucking daylight! He's dead now! I'm sure of it!"
"You don't know that. WE don't know that." Mikael kept his apparent cool.
"And WE are trapped in this bloody shed now! We're going as well!" Raymond sounded troubled.
Troubled, as in, the very brink of urinating himself and starting to talk to bricks.
Mikael's stern state calmed him down, though.
Sure, it had sounded like a bit of a fantastic idea at the time,
despite the obvious horror classic references. But horror classics are just
either pieces of processed wood with masses of sequential characters on them,
or masses of sequential semi-identical tiny pictures.
They may have been made in reality, but they weren't
portraying reality as it is.. not on the surface, anyway. And certainly not literally.
Anyone fortunate enough to experience some of them would certainly agree.
Yeah, it hardly sounded like a particularly dangerous affair for some friends
to take a happy weekend trip to some desolate shack remote from the back of God.
Besides, it had been such a long time he or Sid had actually SEEN Mikael.
Raymond always saw Sid almost at a daily interval, but Mikael,
as even the name testified, wasn't a local. An exchange student from Sweden,
but Ray(mond) had known him even before Mike came to the United Kingdom.
Actually, Raymond thought, he probably wouldn't have even come to England
if he wouldn't have met Raymond to persuade him into getting there.
The two didn't get into the same school, though, but like in modern times usually,
cars can solve most of those problems unless you are talking 500 kilometres or something.
And it wasn't 500 kilometres. But even if different schools were not a problem,
Mikael and Raymond had not met in a while, anyhow. There are times when you have money
to drive to meet a friend, and then there aren't.
Enough reminiscence, Ray figured, set the damn mind into the scenario at hand.
"How could I have known the cow bit was even worse?", Ray asked Mikael.
Mikael faced Raymond until his sentence was midway through, and resumed his window stare.
"Don't think you could've.", the obvious response was heard.
"Those fucking authorities always understate the problems."
Indeed, understatements had gotten them into this shit, really.
Sure, there was the so-sodding-cleverly named mad cow disease,
but nobody had even told them that these fucking cows KILL people.
Well, they had found out, anyhow. After one of the four friends had been chewed up
by a fucking nasty bovine with an attitude, one tended to start to notice these kinds
of subtle clues. Poor William. Understatements, huh. Too bloody right.
Mad cow disease? Has a hilarious sort of a ring to it. Used to, anyway.
But right after one or two of those merry brethren had ingested parts of William,
it could only be expected from you to lose any potential snicker pretty fast.
They were just walking the hiking trail to the cottage, and suddenly this cow appeared
in front of them. Made a pretty weird noise when it mooed, but that's hardly
a cue to run away due to a fucking PSY-COW hellbent and certainly out for their blood.
It's only when William lost several of his fingers it got somewhat more apparent
that petting the damn cow wasn't nearly as productive an idea as, well, say,
blasting the proverbial beast apart with a fucking SHOTGUN.
Made in the Grand Rapids, Michigan, Ray smirked mentally. A bitter smile crossed his face.
But now, they're in the dwelling they were supposed to get to.
Well, at least they got there alright.. not counting William, that is.
Again, Raymond shook the thoughts of the past into the past,
and attempted to clear his head more to face the Splatter Movie Set-up from Hell.
"Any potentially bright ideas, Mike?", raymond continued, "Might prove fairly usable."
Mikael stopped staring into the night, turned a bit and faced Raymond again.
"Never pet a burning dog." The reference wasn't lost on Raymond,
who cheered up, even if that also would be in vain.
"Turn on some music. I think I'll get daft with this silence."
Mikael nodded, he wouldn't mind that either.
He walked to the CD player, and turned on the power. There was power.
Wonder for how long will these batteries last, he took time to wonder.
Sure, they WERE high capacity, and he had spares, but this piece of work
was probably FAMOUS in Sonyland for his prowess of electrical usage.
Probably famous enough to get laid for it, Mikael amused himself.
"What d'you want to play, Ray?"
"Yeah, I know. That sounded shitty." Mike admitted.
"You pick one, I trust your taste.", Ray replied.
"But that drops Britney right out now doesn't it?", Mikael joked.
Raymond burst into laughter and finally got to reply
"If we would've brought THAT kind of shit with us, those cows would've had
justification in that fact alone!" Ray smiled. So did Mikael.
Mikael searched for something suitable, not too gloomy but certainly not chipper either.
That got his Crux CD-R out of the question with admirable speed,
and Mikael also thought that nixes Down quickly, rocking as the Finns are.
And he forgot Grotesque Felinity and the Blue Cafe, too. Crap.
He picked one, and "play" it went. A distinct, a tad warbling male voice
came from the speakers with a selection of modern band instruments.
Raymond recognized the CD quickly, and found himself content with it. Loved it, really.
Mikael's taste for music is top, he thought. And the feeling in the cabin got better.
As the superlative starter track rocked on, Mikael felt secure enough to explore irony.
It's all just that when a group of friends gets up to regroup in something of a minor reunion
in a distant location only to get SLAUGHTERED. God must be laughing, he must be.
Or maybe God was covering his eyes in the classical "Something got screwed up" - posture.
Mikael also took a mental nod towards the improbability bit of his favourite book.
That cheered him up a bit, and he thought of his friends.
Mike really liked Ray and Sid. They were real good friends.
William wasn't as close a friend, but that didn't mean Mikael wouldn't care
if the poor fellow got all too literally chewed out by a maniacal FUCKING herbivore..
But Sid.. well, Sid's probably dead now, Mike theoreticized. He probably coudn't have
survived the wilds to find any souls, not with the bovine threat, anyhow.
Still, Ray's not as strong of mind and he shouldn't just blurt it out. But then again,
Raymond was fucking smart and he probably knew and accepted the reality as it probably was.
"Ray, you're right.. Sid's probably dead by now.", Mikael finally admitted.
"Rest in peace. Pieces, more like. Sheesh. All very droll.", Raymond laughed nervously.
The track switched.
"Have some coffee, wouldya?", Mikael voiced as he went to get some. For himself, anyway.
Raymond agreed, and got out of the window, following Mikael.
"Still not too old to whip up a new batch."
The java warmed Raymond.
"Y'know, God must be bloody laughing?", Raymond commented.
Raising an eyebrow, Mikael was enjoyed to find his friend's thoughts to work
the same way his do. "Too fucking right."
Once again, the track switched, and a delightful acoustic guitar appeared.
Mikael postured a enraptured band member playing the guitar.
..shade of willow tree, creeps are crawling over me..
Suddenly, a moment of mental still-frame ensued as something neared the window
and burst through it. If the moment would have been in a modern movie, it no doubt
would have been "still" in the movie as well, preferably with some unstylish
camera rotation to go with it. And what happened was that the window was replaced
with a likeness of a cow. With unerring accuracy, the cow vaulted towards
Raymond and Mikael, intent on feasting upon the two hapless, if intelligent, mammals.
"Well, shit.", Mikael cracked.
..happy to go blind...
"The operation succeeded perfectly, Sir !", it said.
"So it did, oh General."
"What about the one who ran off earlier ?"
"They'll NEVER believe him."
"We must notify the base now.."
"Who's this singer ?"
"Ah.. the guy's Bone or Bueno or something."
"We should abduct him. He's got such a great voice."
"Yes, Sir !"
"Just a matter of time, really. We've got all of it in the Galaxy,
and one of these days we'll pay back to every and each son of a bitch on the face of this
wretched excuse for a Third Class fucking planet. "
" What about the Hindus, Sir? "
" Ah, yes. Well, we'll be nice on them. But alas, let us return to the mothership! "
" Yes SIR! "
And with that, the two cows entered their starship,
and after a good half a minute only a streak in the night sky could have been seen.