eTimes 12.08.20XX or 20XX-08-12
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Newest Bond blast !
A new James Bond movie has been announced.
The name of the movie will be 'The Dog Is Under A Kitchen Sink',
continuing the streak of names such as 'Tomorrow Never Dies',
'The World Is Not Enough' and 'How Much Is The Fish'.
The famous secret agent James Bond will be acted by Leonardo DiCaprio,
and the movie will feature the theme song played by the famous,
many times merited musical band Eiffel-65.
Daikatana said to be released soon !
The game Daikata, by ION Storm, is supposedly going through the
final stages of beta testing, and is said to be ready for release
in a next month or so. This game, originally started by John Romero
of ancient Doom fame, has been in-making for over a decade now,
and not a single one of the original Daikatana team now remains at ION.
Experts predict that it will however still take at least three years
for Daikatana to be released as they have already claimed
final debug phases two years ago.
Game violence subject brought up again
The latest 'virtual shock horror' game, Stalker3d,
published by Eidos and designed by Käôs Interactive,
has brought up the old conversation subject of interactive violence in gaming.
Stalker3d is the first game that has the player playing
a psychopatic stalker and Eidos boasts the game as
"The first game ever that lets you rape, mutilate and torture your victims
in a truly interactive, dynamic world with realistically modeled people".
In Stalker3d the player is able to perform virtually any kind of sexual violence
onto the ultra-realistically modeled victims, not to mention other violent actions
including but not limited to wounds from numerous blunt and sharp objects.
The U.S. senate has opened up a discussion on the subject of banning all games.
Ellen Lenenson, a member of the BCV [Ban Corruptive Videogames] organization
said that this game " outdoes even the worst hentai " and she also
calls this game "evil" and suggests that these games can affect one's psyche.
On the other hand, many avid gamers say that these claims are ridiculous,
and that the 'virtual shock horror' games are only that, games and not real life,
and that games like this cannot make people insane.
Teacher organized lynch mobs against Stalker players have been reported
in schools everywhere in the United States of America.
Emulation hits rock bottom
The past fad trend of emulation is currently at an all-time low,
and only small numbers of people seem to want to play emulated games anymore.
" Who the hell cares about ancient history? ", said a subject of interview,
" Why would anyone sane want to play Final Fantasy IX or Quake : The Hunt ? "
The number of active emulators has also decreased from the past high
of possibly hundreds of emulators into 3 known emulators,
BioNES-XI the NES emulator, WinDD the Windows emulator,
and finally InFiN1TuM, the famed PSX-2 emulator, that emulates
the Playstation-2, the machine remembered as the worst flop of that particular era.
On other news concerning emulation, BioNES-XI claims to have finally perfected five
of the last twenty mappers remaining yet to be emulated,
but the emulation expert of our publishment said that no-one wants to use an emulator
that requires a 4 gigahertz processor to run at a steady 9FPS.
Apparently, the reason is the original version's GWBasic source code
still lying in the core of the emulator.
Meat market meltdown
At a vote of twenty-three against two, beef has been deemed an illegal foodstuff.
This vote took place after the fallout from the French nuclear meltdown of Paris
infected livestock all over Europe and also many portions of the U.S.A.,
causing critical irradiation on most of the beefmeat of the world.
Marketing protests have been reported all over the western world.
Tel not Back in Time
C.A. Multimedia Interactive released the SounDisc (tm) Back in Time 21 yesterday,
featuring even more classic tunes from the ancient Commodore 64 machine.
Unfortunately, our sources report that to this day there -still-
isn't a single Jeroen Tel tune in the Back in Time collection.
" A damn shame ", said a music fan we questioned.
" What the f*** is a Commandore sixty-whatever ? ", said another.
Mario Madness ! (tm)
Nintendo USA has released another game in the hit Mario series,
this time onto their latest console, Nintendo 512K !
This game is said to fully take the console's 120-button controller into usage,
as well as to support KraniPak, the new force feedback plug-in attached to your head.
Our reporter went on to ask gamers about their feelings towards Mario Galaxy Dash.
" It's so damn blurry.. where's Mario ? ", said Mike Densen, a gamer.
" Which button makes the little man jump ? ", said Arnold Schwimmer, another gamer.
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