First, there was nothing.
Or maybe, almost nothing.
There was an überbeing there, and He was stroking His long beard
and being totally bored because there was nothing else but Him around.
Then the being got a tad bored and used His artistic eye
(not to mention His ultimate überpowers) for a bit.
And lo, the Great Everythingness was created.
(Yeah, so He didn't have much of an eye for art, so what,
He could afford it, should someone criticize Him, He could just
shove a lightning bolt up the guy's *** =)
Then He proceeded to craft the loom of Everything more finely,
creating small non-important tidbits such as everything living.
At one point, He also managed to create our dear Gaia.
Of course, He did about 8.123982FF more of those, 'round the Universe. :)
the being amused himself by watching amoebas (Or however it is spelled ;).
Then they started turning into more complex beings,
a lot more too.
You know the story, something finally climbed out the sea
and yada yada yada human evolved from monkeys.
He was curious, naturally.
Once the being saw the first human creatures splatter each others
with spears and crude weapons like that, He started to regret this a bit.
The He shrugged " Oh what the hell " and let them evolve.
One day, around some date or another, He was getting totally bored again
and He decided to scare the hell out of some human being or another.
At this point, human was already quite (d)evolved.
" BOO! ", He thundered.
A man jumped at this, quickly glanced around, not seeing anything.
The being made a chuckle.
" Hey! ", the being said.
The man finally looked up, only to see an omnipotent figure.
" Who.. are y-you ? ", said the man, a bit afraid.
" Well.. umm, let's see... uhh.. ", staggered the omnibeing.
Despite the fact that He was sooooo all-knowing and all über and all,
He didn't know what He should be called.
" Errm.. I made you. ", He explained.
At that point, the man started laughing his *** off.
" Ya right! ", laughed the man.
" No, no, not like that.. you see, I created your race! ", He said.
Then He thought for a bit.
The statement might not be totally true,
He didn't really create the Man hand-crafting it,
He just made the dang planet.
Well, He did do the dinosaurs in with a clean meteor strike,
so that could be called helping, but whatever...
Nonetheless, He did not feel a need to correct His statement;
It's cool to be one's Creator. :-)
" Cool! ", replied the man.. " What's your name. "
" ?Umh.. ", replied the being.
He had never thought about a name, because names are usually used
in communication with others, and because He had spent several eternities
all by Himself, He hardly needed a name, and He probably would've
forgotten it during the passing eons anyway.
Then He thought about it, He MUST have a name,
those things would probably die laughing if they learned
that The Omnipotent Creator of the Great Everythingness
didn't even make Himself a name.
Then, He saw a cute little creature on the Earth.
Dog, He remembered.
He had always liked dogs much more than humans.
People just hit each others with spears and daggers,
but dogs bark and wag their tail, plus they have ears and a muzzle!
What more could you ask from a perfect being?
With a quick bit of twisting the word around,
He decided to call himself 'God'.
" I am called God. ", He finally said.
" Great! ", the man replied.
" Well, I must be going now, existence planning to do.. " said God.
" Okay! Boy, what will my friends say when they hear THIS! ",
said the man, obviously a bit excited.
With that, both God and the man left the scene,
the latter running off at a distance and God floating out of sight.
The man went to every friend of his,
telling them about his meeting with God.
That way, the simple encounter turned into religion,
with many flavors for many people.
Man, being the type to hit someone just for the heck of it,
of course started to hit people and to justify it by saying
something stupid like " It's the God's will. "
God shook His head, covering His eyes with His hand.
Years passed, and all that, and finally it was around 1995.
God decided to check the Earth again.
He hadn't done that since He once peeked there to see how things are,
only to see that every war on Earth was justified as holy.
That had made Him so nauseous that He swore
not to check the place out for a long time.
During that time, loads of stupid things had happened there,
many of which were usually explained by some men to be of God's work,
and some to be because of the interdimensional hydromolecular something.
Of course, none of it was because of either, but you know human.
Then He coughed. Hard.
He could see gray buildings, everywhere.
Pollution. Smoke. Everything unpleasant.
Many places were plainly covered with concrete and metal.
Also, instead of hitting each others with daggers and spears,
the humans were now shooting each others with rifles and machine guns
and artilleries and fighters and missiles and nuclear weapons
which allow you to kill a million people without really even being there.
He checked His ecological meters, only to notice that
if these stupid-a** beings keep this up,
His precious Gaia would be a lump of brown matter in a very short time.
That's when He decided, He's going to do something about it.
He remembered, the dinosaurs were neatly eliminated with
a tiny piece of rock from outer space.
" So be it ", He frowned, as He sent a meteor to wipe out the vermin.
Unfortunately, against all odds, the mankind managed
to avoid their fate with the hurling chunk of compact minerals
some way or the other, perhaps with the help of Bruce Willis
and some nuclear material, not to mention crappy Hollywoodian spirit.
" $!*&!@!! ", the God murmured.
This time, He would make sure to spell doomsday for the foolish humans.
No man would survive should He rise the temperature of the place
to a degree healthy enough to skin every single Homo Sapiens
on the face of His creation.
He raised His hand, and..
" What the.. !!? ", He yelled.
He tried again.
Then it struck him.
His divine mana reservoire was still quite empty from that
week years ago He decided to create a lot of something like the Universe.
Cursing, He realized that He needs to take it easy for
a couple of eterinities to regain His mana.
" Ah well.. ", exclaimed the God.
" Well, the Man will die anyway, from his own stupidity. "
" Too bad the planet has to go with them.. sad really. "
And with that, He turned to play chess with one of the dogs
of the many He had salvaged from the dying planet.
Dogs are actually super intelligent beings, He had discovered.
They were indeed so intelligent, that they had found out
that all they need from life is a lot of happy running around and barking
and some petting from friendly beings.
In fact, the Dog was more advanced a being than the Man.
God and Dog played chess as the stupid humans quickly destroyed their planet.
Not a single one of them was able to escape their deserved fate;
In the end, science couldn't do much to save mankind,
but they did manage to create a really spiffy looking can opener
with their hundred billion budget.
Luckily, Dog survived.