Like I said, 2002 wasn't all bad.
Now 2003 on the other hand was.
Jesus, what a horrible year.

..hmph. Archived.
More in store, no doubt?


Decorations? No decorations!
Presents? No presents!
Christmas? No Christmas.
Fireworks? No
no fireworks.

New year? No new year.

I suppose it's all right to watch a film version of a ridiculous fantasy book
to celebrate the birthday of the protagonist of another one.
Too bad September's so close to December --
we could've pulled a vice versa, making it Christmas-II.
Perverse as inverse is.

Went to the stores today. Bought some cherry Pepsi! Yay!
And saw a couple of comics titled "Captivating goth girl Nemi".
I nearly bought ten.
(But where's "Captivating teen whore Grief" ?)

Yeah, motherfucker.

To my surprise I'm not feeling totally suicidal these days, anymore.

Alien Nine sucks.
I don't really mean that, of course. It's just that I
Googled that sentence earlier on today to see if anyone on the Internet
agrees with me on this, and since the search delivered me nothing at all,
I figured I must fulfill this need the search engine users everywhere
have deep between their thighs / minds.
So, anyway, this thing's named "Alien 9". I imagine someone's going
to throw a fit around 2020 or whenever, when the famous science fiction
drama motion picture series of the same name progresses into
yet another level of dire shit. Hell to pay for sure, that is,
unless the creative minds behind the amazing comic adventure Manga
(sure, capital M!) in question and the creative minds behind the continuation
of the amazing Alien saga (as displayed by great meisterwerks of
cinematography such as Alien: Resurrection; love that Dan Hedaya looking at
a piece of his own brain -- that's like Bad Taste, only, not.
Not any good at all, that is. Gawd.) team up to bring us some
kind of a new level of adult entertainment, where Winona Ryder as Yuri
gets an up-the-butt from Ripley's Giger-designed alien clone penis.
(As penned by dramatist master Joss "Not Funny Or Good" Whedon.)
I would certainly buy that the first chance I'd get.
Some minutes ago I just finished watching "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane",
a horribly tasteless, dumb, idiotic flick directed by this Finnish guy who later on went
to direct some more tasteless flicks, like "Deep Blue Sea" and "Die Hard II".
Which doesn't feature the subtitle "Die Harder" anywhere in there, by the way. Nix.
Who the hell thinks up those things, anyway? I didn't see "Dead By Dawn"
anywhere in Evil Dead II, either. Now that we're talking about fucking awful movies.
I'm kidding, of course. Bruce Campbell always was teh fucking bomb.
Unlike Bruce Willis, the star of Die Hard II. Unless you're talking about that
one movie where you could see his genitals. That cock and those balls sure could act!
No, I'm not talking about Striking Distance (where he only fucks his career in the ass).
Anyway, Ford Fairlane I hadn't seen in its entirety before, but now that I saw it
I think it may end up on my guilty pleasure list. There's that one scene
where these two thugs grab mr. Fairlane and prompt their boss to take a "free shot"
at the helpless private detective. The boss takes the opportunity to instead
direct his fist at this really dumb female human being standing next to Ford,
even kicking the fallen girl afterwards. It's fucking hilarious.
The woman, unfortunately, doesn't get a bullet shot through her brain in the movie,
though I certainly don't know why, with all the lows the movie pulls.
Five stars out of five!
No, not Alien Nine. That one gets like two stars.
From the lesbian undercurrents.
Maybe they should make someone from Ford Fairlane
hit Yuri upside the face a couple of times for good measure.

910 - I intend to.


Gave Up

Snow reached this part of the country, as well.

Uploaded the hopefully-last revision of the Jake Cool Trilogy.
Hah. 2003 and Jake's still here.

age++; // :/

"Oh, you mean the dick that plays his Cure albums loud late at night?"

Touched up the resume part some.

No progress.

I can't believe that many days have passed.. over a week.
I'm not too happy with this site anymore.
It fails to express one tenth of everything that I think, know and feel
these days yet I also fail - to write anything more.
My brain's well failing me, this much is for sure, and everything
gets saturated with a feeling of uselessness that doubles every day
that I must exist in this piece of shit in this piece of shit in this piece of shit.
I honestly don't fucking know what I'm supposed to do at this juncture,
so you might as well step up and tell me if you've got it all figured out.
I mean, jesus, what is there to experience? You tell me.

You do realize, that there's something fundamentally wrong with you, right?
I mean, come on. You have no sense of responsibility or that of ethics.
You're egoistical, though not very intelligent, either. You're boring, too,
and the diseased mushroom inside your head possesses nothing desirable.
In shorter words, you do not deserve the oxygen you process to live everyday.


Can't find the drive to say anything worthwhile these days,
and the pages look awful by way of content to me today.

Rockin' in Espoo like a manic street preacher!

I spent the last 30 minutes or so in front of my computer,
having my legs positioned very unnatural way.
I then nearly earned myself a trip to the hospital as I stood up
and started walking only to discover that my right leg didn't like
to follow my orders. A new experience, certainly.

Relocation into Espoo succesful.

Current mood : Relieved but with a strange tension
Current music : Apoptygma Berzerk - Mourn (APB RMX guitar version)


Such a nice day.. and I'm feeling slightly chaotic.

Had a welcome escape into Rovaniemi for a couple of days there.
Got a little more acquainted with my dark side, too.

A letter to arrive in the mail confirmed my fate to be a sealed one, then.
I find myself worrying quite a bit.

Redesigned the index page a bit, saw the movie Storytelling,
received praise for something, felt indifferent.

Play some Frequon Invaders, bit^H^H^Hfriend.

It's funny that everybody has got things in their head that they wouldn't
dream of revealing to anyone else, believing that if anyone else would hear
of them, they surely would break contact
(even though everyone has comparable things in their mind).
What's funnier still is the fact that they're right.
Deny, deny.

So, there went the first part of the summer. Duh.

So, there went the midsummer.
Did I accomplish anything? Well, yes and no.
I met someone I hadn't previously, and spent the weekend
at a friend's house, watching movies I hadn't seen yet.
It could've been quite a bit worse, honestly.

They say that if you're facing something that's bringing you down,
knowing that there are other people with the same problem helps you through.
Well, I don't know about that. What I think it actually does is
make you realize that this a true problem with a large magnitude
and no actual solution anywhere. So yeah, life's beautiful. And I wrote some stuff.
Oh, yeah, happy midsummer (eve), when the sky doesn't darken, only the mind,
and the deep waters await the weary.

Had a dream in which I was walking through wilderness (crazy, I know),
and I kept repeatedly getting bitten by this snake, and I couldn't somewhy see
if it's a viper or a harmless serpent, so I didn't have a clue as to
whether I was going to die soon. As it attacked my leg, I would grasp it
and throw it a long way through the thicket, yet it would always instantly
crawl up to me for another bite. Oh, that was fucked up.
So, anyway, here I added a link to a reservoir of images, starring me.
What a vile, horrifying trick. But hey,
I've been bitten by a snake - I'm not thinking straight.

Attended the Midnight Sun Film Festival held in Sodankylš,
and viewed a good thirteen movies, some of which were great indeed -- and some less than,
(Dire crap, I would call one certain Finnish new Solar Films effort, even if it is an obvious shot.)
and I think I also became a fan of Emir Kusturica. Kudos!

I guess I need to relate a short history report of the weeks last passed.
Well, before I finished the school (with a rocket launcher),
our class took a trip to Estonia, which (the trip, I mean) obviously
consisted of the said crew minus me stumbling about in an alcoholic haze.
So, barely surviving Fear And Loathing In Tallinn, we returned to Finland,
where I decided to see a friend (actually the friend decided to see me, and I accepted),
who can be described as a weird submarine creature, with whom I then decided to see
a movie that can be described as "the Matrix reloaded", which surprisingly enough
1) wasn't terribly bad, just slightly long-winded and as silly as ever at times
2) made for some interesting parallels with a certain Metal Gear Solid 2 title
and I didn't feel cheated out of the 10 euro bill I had to give up to get to view it.
(Of course, I knew what I was doing all along, so I can't in truth use the word "cheat"..)
After this, I returned to the dorm through a catatonic train trip to prepare for the final school days.
Which did pass, surprisingly, and to prove things I now possess a neat coloured
paper stating that I should in theory be equipped with some mad electronics skillz!
So, after that, I've spent two weekends with a friend of mine (playing a bunch of games
and generally sitting around), attended a "qualification test" of sorts correlating to
my potential getting into a bigger sort of a school, made some right choices,
cut myself, vomited, wrote a rant and listened to music. The CMX LP Isohaara is playing as I type this.
Later on this week, I'm planning to check out the Midnight Summer Film Festival (or whatever)
held less than hundred kilometers from where I live. This should.. might be good.
So, in conclusion, I know this is as good as it gets and it isn't much.
Well, at least I'm writing now.

And when those weeks of school are over, what next?
Yeah, I know. Two three months of sitting still.
I'm currently experiencing a strong feeling of nausea,
my increasing silent desperation incarnate, I guess.

I sold myself out.
Eeh! Only under three weeks of school now <3 <3 <3 <3 < . .._. 3

Two weeks ago, the Easter weekend holiday.
Some days into the past, the May Day weekend holiday.
Oh, how special. And lovely.

I'm having a slightly uneventful May Day weekend.
Not a horribly bad one by all means, though. A fairly OK one, really.
Yeah! I enjoy uneventfulness, because I'm so fucking boring!
So, anyway. Seen some movies, listened to some music. The usual.
I even bought the Silent Hill OST. But then again, I really love the game,
what with all the damage it did to my psyche.

Yeah, I kind of do.

An extended easter weekend holiday looms near.
I think I'm actually starting to hate free time.

Today we should have school from eight to four,
but due to something or something else we had an exam
and were released at ten. This is a bad thing.
This is bad because I can't think of anything to do these days.
Cue a lot of being depressed and bored, methinks.

What's occurred this week?
Well, I locked myself out the dorm once, but was saved by a dark angel.
(Added comment 05/2004 : Ringing the doorbells of h0t g0th chicks, that's me)
And some inter-school contest was held for three days, which
disrupted our regular schedule somewhat, but now the commotion should die.
As should those dancing girls. Hrr.

Had a bit regarding HTML and homepages at school,
and I was asked to give out a little spoken essay on mine,
with the page being shown on the large screen in front of the class.
Naturally, I did, shifting between laconic and verbose,
with the teacher providing pseudo-snide commentary.
Yawn. So why am I telling you all this?
Well, maybe you're one of my classmates, expecting me to bash you over here.
You little bitch. So I must cater, asspipe.

From now on, I shall face the world with a positive, philantropy-induced outlook on life!
After all, all things considered, my life is pretty fucking great and I would be
but a sad blind-eyed fool not to acknowledge it all!

Ten days have passed, and I guess I've gone through another plot branch selection
in the downcast interactive fiction adventure game of my life.
I fully expect to view the bad ending a good forty years from now.
(Added comment 12/2003 : Looks like I entered a new area without proper level-upping, there)

It Is Accomplished

So.. it's Friday, and my father is out drinking with a friend of his,
and my brother is off chauffeuring his buddies at Levi.
Me? I'm sitting here, listening to The Wall. (Nobody Home right now, how appropriate)
I'm a lonely boy. :/

Oh, lookie. March, is it?
March, and a weeklong holiday for me. Rather an unamusing one, I might add.
I rewrote the old resume a bit now, but the update is on the hard drive
of the other computer, which I cannot access now. D'oh, eh?
Why cannot I access it, you ask? Because the motherboard decided to pick this time
to fuck me over. Everything fucks me over. Want your shot? Take a ticket and a place in line.
Hmh, Holy Bible's got the last song on, too. Need to change the CD.. seeyou.

*sigh*.. such a dark age.

Gimme back my fucking rib, I say.
I'm not too happy right now.
And there isn't an amount of virtual people liking me that can change that.

You know what really fucking sucks?
Repeated waves of sad, painful feelings and coldness that hit you.
Getting once again reminded about everything that's wrong and unchangeable.
Realizing the awful feelings inside one and not being able to do anything except for loathing.

Hit a calm zone, apparently.

I've got nothing to say, honestly.
Not to you people.

Hmph. Retouched the playlist idea. And ranted away.
Fuck. :(

Okay, it wasn't particularly funny to stay up for the whole night
and try surviving an ordinary school day like that.
Now let us never do it again. I've got enough worries right now and
going psycho would only be an answer to a select few of them.
Right now, I feel like crying at the insignificance,
emptiness and unfairness of it all. Once again. And I see my future again.
A muddled blur of dark, with only one or two small specks of light to be seen.

Guess not? :)
Well, what the fuck ever.

I guess.. I guess life goes on in phases.
Are we just phases?

So what is it that you really want?

Feh. Another year like all the other ones to come, no doubt.
Stored away another archive of pain.
Still, there's something you should know..
A kind new year to all the great people that I know,
to both all the reliable, superb folks that I've known for ages,
and the ones that are relatively new in my life
(who probably will not be reading this, either, heh).
Let's keep fighting, huh.


Man, was that ever grim.
But that's what it was.

In up
Dex date